So tomorrow is the beginning of May long. I am so ridiculously excited, it's almost unhealthy. I can't freakin' wait to just get away and have fun for a bit, and not have to worry about any lame stuff like school or UGH, my friends.

Holli, also known as H, is coming with me. It's pretty hilarious 'cause the rest of our friends are all going in this co-ed, one tent, lets get drunk everynight camping trip. And surprisingly, I'm not even jealous of it. Of course, that could have something to do with the fact that there is NO WAY that I could stand being with some of those people for 2 or 3 days. It jsut wouldn't work. I'd probably bust an artery or something by being too pissed off. Haha stuff like this just really makes me think.

I consider myself to be a pretty cool person. I mean, I know I can be annoying and all that jazz, but I feel like I'm a pretty alright person. But whenever I'm with some of these people, I can just feel my self-esteem going down. Honestly though, I've kinda always had that problem.
I always make friends with people who are more popular than me, or people who might say they're my friends, but they really just need people to be around them all the time.

Not this time though. I think I've hung around with people who make me feel like crap for long enough. You know that feeling when people are talking about inside jokes, just laughing away, and they never bother to explain what's so funny? And when you ask they never tell you anyways? Well, that's pretty much been usual for me. It's not cool. And it is going to stop. Either I'm going to make some new friends, or people are going to realize that they can't walk all over me anymore.

You know, reading over all the things that I've written here, I kinda sound like I have a horrible life or something. But I really don't. I think I should probably take the time to explain that. I have some really cool friends that I can tell just about anything to. Well, I have two of those kinda friends. H, and Amanda, lets call her A. You see, these two I can pretty much trust with anything. I know that they both care for me, and they're just really great. Not to mention the fact that they can make me laugh even when I feel like strangling several people at once.

I also have an amazing boyfriend. He'll be known as J. J is quite the character. We've been dating for almost 8 months, which is pretty freakin' long in teenage years. He's really great. I can talk to him about just about everything. It's so wonderful to have him in my life.

Anyways, I'm done writing now. I'll continue with my life story later haha. Ciao!

It never really ends, does it?

Well, I've learned a lot of new things lately.

I've discovered that when you just don't want to talk to someone anymore, if you're just sick of their behaviour and need to get away from them... There is really no way. My former "best friend" is one of those people. I'm just done with dealing with her. No longer do I want to have to put up with all her issues, and get nothing in return.
It's so ridiculous though, 'cause as soon as I stopped talking to her (although it was a gradual process) she decided to latch onto some of our mutual friends.. but ones who she continually said bad things about when we were friends. She always went on and on about how they were bitches, and two-faced, and all that jazz, and now she's right next to them, being extremely two-faced and fake. I know that it really shouldn't bother me, but it does.

Sometimes I just feel like I'm drowning here. Like I need to get out of this town and start living my life. It's so frustrating to be stuck here, not able to change any of my problems because no matter what I do, people just turn it on me and make me feel like I'm the evil little coniving girl who has nothing better to do but hurt everyone. Ugh.

Lately I've been researching schools a lot. Well, one school. U of A. I want to go there, so so so much. I went on a tour there in.. April? The beginning of April I think. It was amazing there. It was so beautiful, and everyone seemed so happy to be there. We went to the Humanities wing or building or whatever it was, and it was just so nice. Everything was so open and welcoming. The people didn't stare, and there was such a large amount of people that clearly everyone wouldn't know everyone.

Oh man, just thinking about makes me anxious to go there. The thing is, I haven't really been doing that well in school lately. Well, in Bio. I just find it so difficult. It's so frustrating. It worries me 'cause i only have a month left of school, and then I'll be a senior. And that's when you really need to start cracking the whip and get good grades. I'm so scared that I won't get in. My whole life I've thoguht of myself as pretty smart. I always used to get good grades. I don't want my last two years to ruin the rest of my school year. It's just so scary to think about.

On the one hand, I'm totally stressed about my friends and all the ridiculous conflicts that are going on with them, but on the other hand, I really only have one more year that those are the biggest worries I'm going to have. I think I'm going to try and enjoy my life for as long as I can. God knows I could use some fun these days.