this is a friend of mine and i after our final high school exam lest thursday. her name is dakota and she's kinda the bomb.

next year she's going to be moving to edmonton to go to concordia (which is a christian college/university type deal). it's pretty exciting because that means that i'm not going to be totally alone in edmonton. and it's actually perfect, because i am absolutely opposed to being one of those people who don't make any new friends because they are too attatched to their old ones and are never away from them. but at the same time, it'll be nice to have someone to talk to who already knows me - and she's a good friend, so it'll just be lovely to have her around.

anyways, the other night we went to see letters from juliet. and i really enjoyed it; it was quite touching and it was all about true love, awww. however, i really didn't enjoy some of the lines. they were all cheesey and ridiculous! at one point he said something like ' i am truly, madly and deeply in love with you'. is that not the most ridiculous thing that you've ever heard?! honestly, if someone said that to me i would probably be flattered, but i would also be a little frightened. (just kidding, i just don't think it would be very legit!) so anyways, thinking this brought me to a conclusion.

no longer do i believe that some pretty words and a nice kiss is real love.

that's not to say that i don't believe in love, or that i don't enjoy hearing those lovely words! i just think that love should be felt. i am a big fan of the little things - i think small snippets of time in which no declarations of love are made but instead two people genuinely enjoy each others company are the moments that should be cherished, and are the real declarations of true love.

i am absolutely a romantic at heart. i am so infatuated with the idea of being in love. i am kinda vain (which comes with being a romantic in my opinion). i get so lost inside my imagination sometimes that i don't realize what is going on; this can be a real downside to being a dreamer and a romantic becacuse sometimes i think that while i'm sitting alone thinking of what i want to happen, i'm missing out on moments that i would never dream of. i feel very intensely. i listen to my heart a lot of the time.

all these things could be taken as either negatives or positives, i'm not sure which. it really depends on the day.

the real reason that i'm bringing all of this up is because i feel as though i'm finally coming into my own skin. there are so many things that i don't have figured out yet, but i'm also discovering so many things about myself every day. i've become extremely introspective - nah, i've probably always been that way. regardless; i'm changing, a lot. but i'm also staying that same. and it's so absolutely wonderful to be able to look at yourself and not feel lost, but rather feel as though you know who that person staring back at you is.

life is beautiful, and i want to cherish every moment.

Why hello there.

I haven't posted for a few days because I've been too busy reading other people's blogs and being insanely jealous of their skills. A few in particular caught my eye. There are a group of them in London who are absolutley brilliant - their blogs kept me occupied for hours, when I really should have been studying instead.

These girls are sophisticated and poised, and their writing is succint and to the point. One in particular, Carrie from Wishwishwish, has a wonderful blog. It is all about fashion, and is it ever interesting. She hails from London, where she's taking Fashion Design in school. It's just all so glamourous to me! Her life seems perfect, and she seems much older than her 19 years.

Reading these blogs made me a little unsure of what the point of my blog really is. I mean.. I don't have a theme, other than writing about my life. I became a little insecure; many of the words written here are just random musings that come from my brain, with very little censoring. Surely nobody can find that interesting. After reading the brillancy that comes out of other young people's minds, I was feeling a little insecure.

However, after feeling a little silly about what I was doing on here, I realized that it really doesn't matter what other people think about what I'm writing. And if I don't have hundreds of followers, that's alright. I am doing this for me, because I have a passion for writing and I want to get my thoughts out of my head and onto na more tangible medium. While I can admire and praise other people's blogs, I should not let their success tgake away the satisfaction that I feel after posting an entry.

So there you go. I learned something this weekend, never thought that would happen.

I have more that I want to say, I just wanted to get that off my chest. I'll post again later :)

This part of my life is coming to an end.

I can feel the changes, they're creeping up so fast.

I'm not a little girl anymore.

Decisions must be made, and only I can make them.

No longer can I depend only on others to help me do what is right.

I have to do it myself. I'm about to be on my own.

Why is it then, that I'm not scared? Truthfully, I should be terrified right now. I mean, all that I've known for pretty much all of my life is about to change. I won't have the same routine, I won't do the same things, I won't even be living in the same house. I am totally a creature of habit; I get crabby when my routine is disturbed. So what the hell?

I should be freaking!

I don't get it. I need to figure out what is going inside my head. I'll let you know when I figure it out.

ADD moment - today is my ex's birthday. Eighteen years old. I kept thinking about his birthday last year. I mean, I went to house and had dinner with his family last year; it was all girlfriendy, and birthdayish and... I feel like I'm a different person now. I can't even really remember what I was thinking those days. Jarred has changed a lot too. In.. weird ways. I mean, it's his 18th and he doesn't want to go to the bar 'cause he wants to be all christian like and pure and all that jazz. Hah. Pure my ass. Whatever though man. It's his life, he can do what he wants with it. I am surprisingly okay with letting him go. He can do what he wants with his life; it no longer concerns me.

Wow. That feels good to write.

What a strange change in topic there.

So I attempted to draw a pin up girl today. I worked on it for about 2 hours and I couldn't get her face right. How does that happen? I could draw her whole body, her dress, and a table. But her silly little face just did not want to be drawn. Whatever. I will conquer her face; it'll happen.

Haha that sounded creepy. But it wasn't. I just want to draw her damn face.

Tomorrow is my last day of high school, ahhhh the excitement is consuming me. I have only 3 more diploma exams and then I'm done for good :D

But, alas, I must now to bed.

I'll write again soon.

the other day I heard that my boyfriend cheated on me. yeah, that was a load of shit.

it was just this rumor that his stupid little ex made up. ugh. why is it that ex girlfriends can never get along with current girlfriends? and even more shocking, why do they try to worm their way into your new relationship that has nothing to do with them?

sadly, these are not questions i do not have answers to. i've been that girl. well, no. i've felt like doing what that girl did to me, to us. this whole ordeal really made me step back. it's just... so petty. so absolutely immature and i'm really sorry that i've ever had mean thoughts like the ones that were obvisouly going through that girl's head.

anyways, the boy and i are fine. i called him, he said it was bogus, and i believed him.

i wonder if that was a mistake. i mean.. i trust him. and i think that i can believe him when he says something is totally ridiculous. i hope i'm doing the right thing :\

that's all for now. peace and love.

do you ever wonder if you were put onto

Earth to do something meaningful?

♥

the boy brought me a slurpee at work today. isn't it strange how those short moments that seem so unimportant and fleeting, like they have no meaing in life at all, make you smile? it's moments like that one that make life worth living.
we sat on the tuperware bins in the back of the store and chilled. and i was happy. it was just... an amzing moment. it makes me wonder if it was what i was doing, or who i was with.
i have a feeling it was alllll the wonderful boy that i was sitting with, sharing stupid memories and joking around.

ackkkk. i don't want to do the whole infatuated teenage girl thing. go away feelings, you're scaring me!

" Most days of the year are unremarkable. They begin, and they end, with no lasting memories made in between. Most days don't have an impact on the course of a life. "

- - (500) Days of Summer

i graduated this weekend. i wore the silly cap, i wore the unflattering gown. i got my fake little diploma. and through it all, i could only think of my future. of getting out, of starting new. and while listening to the cliche speeches that come with graduation, thoughts of my aspirations filled my head.

i want to be know for what i write, for what i say.
i want to be someone. i want to help people.
i want to go to new york and hail a cab.
i want to sing karaoke in a trashy bar and have people cheer for me.
i want to love, to be loved.
i want to be real, always.
i want to get a pair of really high leoaord print shoes and learn how to walk in them.
i want to debate, talk about politics, discuss my views on religion.
i want to take charge of my own life.
i want to get a tattoo - not because that's the thing to do, but because i want to.
i want to draw. i want to paint. i want to make art that makes people notice.
i want to date a musician.
i want to get a story of mine published in national geographic.
i want to become a vegetarian. (yeah, that one will never happen.)
i want to be me.

it's quite the daunting list. and i could have kept going forever! i am in control of my own destiny, and i can change the world, if i only put my mind to it.
i feel as though my future is bright; i just need to stop talking and thinking about it, and DO SOMETHING about who i want to be.
that starts now.